On being home
California feels like it is just a title in my life now. Being back in New York feels as if I had never left. The roads have the same houses and the same people are living in them. I run into the same people at the same grocery stores and see the same cars at the same stop lights. My mother and grandma still spend every sunset watching the motorcycles speed down Beach Avenue from our front porch. The person I was a few months ago isn't as familiar with this place as I am.
I find myself trying to convince her to be happy here. Somedays I feel like I am underwater. Like I am re-reading a chapter of my life that I have already finished. It's important to love and understand where you have been but also to recognize where you are going.
I have never been one to be good at letting things go when they are right for me to. I do not know if I will ever be able to so. The kid in me will always get excited when the lake becomes warm in early July, and when the leaves change to red with the coming of mid-autumn; but I am not the person I was last November. Nor will be this coming November for that matter.
It is innately human to be ever changing.
There is so much to be thankful for in this life. I often find myself beginning sentences with "It is important to". It is important to understand that so many things are important to understand. Evidently, many of those important things are the very people and places who hold the smiles from past summers and carry memories of when we were younger along with the simple reminder that you can always to re-read your favorite books.
I hope my future self remembers that I feel this way.