Spring 2015 (a few months before I first left for California)
"New York? I always knew I didn't belong here- but I never quite knew why. However, what I did know was the feeling that I’d get deep inside my chest when that song came on, or how my eyes would go straight to the west coast whenever I looked at a map. I didn't belong here. As some might joke around, no, it wasn’t just my love for beaches and deep tans. Alhough, while I guess that would be a perk, what I really craved was a freedom so vast and almost incomprehensible by anyone in this small town that some may think I was insane, and well lost. And Yes. I was insane. But quite honestly, I do feel bad for those who never go crazy. And yes, I was lost- but I think I did it on purpose. For every day of my life leading up to this point I threw every part of me out there and said go fucking find it. But I wasn't lost without direction. I knew where I was going. All signs had always pointed due west. Maybe my free spirit was to blame- The spirit that took me across mountains and valleys, to a land I had only visited from the comfort of my bed about five times a week in the middle of the night. But in those dreams I don't quite think that I “belonged” there either. But I was happy. and I was free. And I didn't seem to be looking for anything. not Looking for myself. not Looking for freedom. And then it hit me, maybe we are just not meant to belong. We are just meant to belong anywhere and everywhere. We are just meant to be free, to roam as far the Earth allows.. and even that has been defied. And for me? I will go to the place that calls my name. and we will go as far as our hearts will take us… and we will be free. California, here we come."