The things that love us back
It was a cold novemeber that year. I remember it that way. The burning leaves of october had already been scattered acrossed the ground and began to rot in the rain. Bruce Springsteen was singing to me out of the speakers of my dad's Ford explorer. I came around the bend down the hill where Beach avenue turns into Edgemere drive. I pulled over and dead stopped the car on the side of the road. There are few times I can think of where I have cried harder than this.
As the years go on I slowly see these moments slipping from my memory. This was just a few years ago. I do not want them to.
There are things that love us back. There are songs that can be played over and over again and yet still never seem to get old. "Mary's dress waves, like a vision she dances across the porch as the radio plays" over and over and over again. I have some strange conviction that this song was written soley for my heart to hear. Give it a listen.
"On the wind so Mary climb in , It's town full of losers."
I would say that you would have to know me personally and understand my history as well as my mind to fully comprehend this chapter of my life. I will try to create the narative to share it anyway.
If you would ask anyone who knew me throughout highschool and the duration of my life since I can remember they would probably say I was the happiest person they had ever met. This is very very true.
There is a difference between being unhappy and being sad. To be unhappy would mean that you are not happy, they simply by definition cannot coexist; but I will swear on my life that you can be happy and sad at the same time.
When I say this, I mean this with the strongest sense of purpose that I can communicate through written text. There is no stronger and more important love in this world than the love that you have for own self.
In a world filled with sunshine, vast oceans, and pumpkin pie I cannot peice the memories together enough to completly understand why I allowed myself to get so lost in him and allowed someone to have the power to take away the happiness that I always posessed. But he is two years gone now. Let it go. Move on.
Don't be afraid to love. For in this world there are things that love us back. I can promise you that much.
You owe it to yourself.