Bricks & Beginnings.
Backing out of my driveway and onto beach avenue. I'm 16 and I look out the rearview mirror of my mother's chevy. "Watch out for the brick wall!"; "Don't Hit the brick wall!"; "Careful of the brick wall!"... I do not know who the hell thought it was a good idea to put a brick wall right next to a driveway that barley fit two cars comfortably. I never cared enough to ask.
If you are reading this you were probably led here by my social media, where I display my personal life as well as my modeling and my photography. While these are my passions, there is more to me than I share with this world. In the most genuine sense, I love writing more than I love doing either one of those things.
I have loved to write since I was young. I wrote short stories as a child and perhaps my mother has them in some box somewhere. As a child I'd write stories about characters that were made up and places that did not exist. As the years went on I'd write about myself. I used writing as a means of self reflecting and discovering the inner depths of my own true existence. I still don't know what that even means.
As I grew older I could structure sentences more poetically and back out of my driveway without my mother's help. We sold our house last fall. I miss that house. I miss that narrow driveway and I miss that damn brick wall.
I find myself wondering why I don't write more often. I tell myself "I'll start a blog soon". I tell people that perhaps I want to write a book someday but there is never a now. This is my now.
I have a running joke with myself that this website contains the chapters to the book I'll never write. If you feel like reading, hell- even if you don't, take a scroll through my previous postings. You'll find glimpses into the people I have been, and the woman I hope to become.
I'm unsure If these chapters will ever make it onto real life paper, but I have a strong conviction that need to share them somewhere.
This is my beginning. I've had a thousand beginnings. But this one's real. This is the day I am committing to a lifelong passion and manifesting it into something more than just an idea.
What do you love? You should do the same.
Life has a funny way of stacking a thousand bricks in front of you, often blocking you from the vision of your dreams and what you truly wish to become. As a child, goals and dreams are different than they are now. They feel, sound, and seem so real and so possible. Children have no bricks. As we get older and the years go on, these bricks pile up, one after the other, blocking us from rationally seeing these goals and dreams.
What are your bricks? Mine are procrastination, comparison to others, and self-doubt. As I write this down I realize that the brick wall that has separated me from my dreams is entirely made up of intangible things. These things do not even exist. Why do I allow these things to physically block me from following my dreams?
What I believe is that your dreams aren't ever truly gone, they're just on the other side of the bricks. So pull out of the driveway, and head out on the road and begin your journey... who cares if you hit the brick wall.
Hell, I'll even knock it over. Its not my house anymore.